I had what I thought at the time was a terrible dream a couple nights ago. I dreamt that I was sick and that I knew I was going to have to leave my husband and children soon. I remember the feelings vividly. I remember not being afraid for myself. I knew my destination. But I remember the feeling of not wanting to leave. I wondered who would look after my husband and children. I remember thinking each day was my last and then being given another one. I remember being so truly happy for each new day.
I told my husband about the dream a day later. Somtimes something just seems too awful to speak audibly. I asked him what he thought. He said it was very morose. I laughed. I suppose most wives and mothers have had similar thoughts or dreams.
Hours later after telling him my dream I peeked out the window. He had taken our son, three and a half outside with him to bring back the garbage can and get the mail. We have about a 500 foot drive. I watched him teach our son to slide down the frozen ice with his shoes and stop quickly and safely. The light snow recently forcast fell all around them. I smiled and being the sentimental mom I am I also found my eyes filling with tears. "This is what I would't want to leave I thought."
I walked over to our "comfy couch" (the one you don't slide off of). Our five year old daughter was sleeping. She had been having a few fevers. I sat down next to her like she had asked me to . Only now she didn't know I was there. But she would when she woke up. I thought maybe a few sleep deprived nights and half a dozen little plastic cups of tylenol had added up to a bad dream.
My oldest daughter was brought home about 8:30 at night by a friend and mom. She had gotten to have supper and go to a movie with them. I was glad to see her. Whatever the mood, just having all five of us safely under the same roof at night was satisfactory. We tucked each one in bed. We do this together each night. We enjoyed a movie together and peeked at them one more time before crawling in bed ourselves. I was feeling very thankful. It was only a dream.
